Here's possibly a familiar scenario.
Have you ever had the experience, like I did just yesterday, where you meet someone for the first time and they start telling you about themselves and suddenly you realize that you have so many things in common? You might even be wondering how come you haven't met them before as it seems that your paths seemed to have crossed so many times.
It might feel like you've got a "soul" connection. You might even find yourself looking for more connections just to confirm that you really should be friends or maybe even a couple. Or, as in the situation I found myself in yesterday, was I looking for and getting confirmation that the person I was speaking with actually should become my business partner.
It's in these similarities that you also often find not just a connection, but shared values, interests and lifestyles.
And as well it connects us to people who are more likely to enjoy doing the same sorts of things we enjoy. So when we are sharing these activities we are having fun; a sure fired way of enhancing our relationship even further.
This similarity feels good because it simply confirms the choices you have spent your whole life making which in turn feels very assuring for us as individuals.
Similarity is indeed a great starting point for a good future relationship.
And here's another scenario.
Have you ever found yourself in a totally unfamiliar group of people? Sometimes thrust there by circumstances rather than choice. You have no choice but to make the most of it. You start talking to someone that you would not normally choose to speak with, more likely because you believe that they wouldn't be likely to be interested in you anyway, and immediately you are fascinated by the diverse life they have lived so different from your own.
As you hear more of their story you feel more and more drawn to them as if they have something to teach you, or maybe you see a possibility to experience something with them that would be totally new and exciting. Has this happened to you?
Each of these scenarios has the potential to create a great relationship. How many couples have you met who are so tightly connected that they even start to look, act and sound like each other. And how many "odd" couples have you met who are also building a great relationship.
"Same Old, Same Old."
But both of these relationships can have a downside. Sometimes the couple who are mirror images of each other get bored with the "same old, same old". And equally the couples who are polar opposites become frustrated at not being able to do all the things they might like to do and with the battles that often result as each tries to get their own wants met.
I have an adage that I think applies very well to what it is that brings a couple from love at first sight to happily ever after. It's based on the degree of compatibility between the couple.
And here it is:
"While it might be the differences that attract us to each other in the first instance it will be the similarities that will keep us together long term."
The caveat to this statement though is that the best relationships are really built on couples who are similar enough not to be frustrating and different enough to add a bit of spice as they encourage each other to step outside of their comfort zone to explore the possibilities of something new.
So maybe we really are looking for someone just like us. Well almost like us.
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